:)

When I look into your eyes the only word that comes to mind is love.
The beauty of your look, the warmth of your touch and the comfort in your voice tells me that I am cared for, your arms wrapped around me fill me with the assurance that I'm protected.
The idea that no matter how I look on a off day or when I wake up in the morning, you tell me how beautiful I am.
The butterflies you give me with every hugs, makes my heart beat faster as I don't want to move from against your scent.
The look in your eyes when you stare at me with no words spoken tells me everything I want to know.
Your heart speaks to me louder everyday, making sure I hear it's music of love.
You are the first thing I think of when I wake up when I should be thinking about work, you are last thing I think of before I go to bed when I should be thinking about what I have to do for the next day, and you are the only thing I dream of when I'm to tired to think.
You are always on my mind giving me the want to just smile.
You are the reason why I can say I'm happy, and be honest about it.
You give me more than I can ever express.
I thank you for allowing me in your heart, but most of all : you complete me :)

dear my mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall,
How many more times do I have to fall?
Why do I stare at myself, a mixture of hate and dread,
Just explain to me why nothing, is ever right in my head.
Mirror mirror shiney glass,
How much longer till this feeling will pass?
How much longer till I can become free,
When will I find that person locked away inside me?
Mirror mirror lie to me,
Show me what I want to see,
A perfect body, no scars in sight,
No red rimmed eyes from crying at night.
Mirror mirror on the floor,
What do I do if I can't take anymore?
What if the pills don't do what they should?
Will I be impriosioned, locked away for good?
Mirror mirror in my hand,
Show me a far off distant land,
Show me a place where dreams come true,
Where no one ever intentionally hurts you,
Mirror mirror in shattered bits,
How did it all come to this?
You're no use to me anymore,
A thousand pieces scattered across the floor.
Mirror mirror in my palm,
I found a use, I'll drag you across my arm,
Because now I've become to see,
That you, my mirror, are really my worst enemy

eventually

someday everyone will be wise in the future
everyone will be sensible and forward thinking
wear sensible shoes and act accordingly in the future
wise action according to everyone will be the act
of the future everyone will be futuristic someday
according to god according to everyone and their shoes
in the future everyone will be godless and free
act accordingly in the future or else
play accordions wisely in your godless future
in the future accordions will play themselves

act three in the future: there will be no accordions
everyone will get nostalgic for the accordion god
and act as if they were wise in the future
everyone will be according to god
in the future everyone will not act accordingly
wisdom is unholy in the future
to act accordingly is to stay out of trouble
in the future jails will be bigger and much better
everyone will need some punishment in the future
thinking of accordions will be a crime

lawrence welk is a revolutionary in the future
to act accordingly is to act with wisdom
everyone will act as one in the future
accordingly for everyone to act
in the future everyone will be discredited
everyone must act now to avoid the future
be wise and dont act accordingly
play accordions in the street the future cannot
wait for wisdom and forced accord
one chord might save the future

antara 'cukup' dan 'sangat'

hallo, YOU:)
6 bulan terakhir ini jadi 6 bulan tersulit buat saya. dimulai dari sakitnya SEMUA anggota keluarga saya sampai SEMUA harus diopname kecuali saya dihari saya diwisuda.
ok, too emotional. sorry!
dan dimulai dari itu banyak kesialan dan musibah yang terjadi. sampai saya rasanya ingin menjadi amoeba yang membelah diri. saya berada dititik meminta pertolongan kepada Tuhan, sampai pada akhirnya saya berburuk sangka pada Tuhan.
well, i know thats too bad.

semua tujuan dan planning hidup yang sudah saya susun jauh jauh hari hancur berantakan. dan kadang saya merasa, kehancuran itu bukan karena saya dan seringkali itu karena hal yang sepele. disitulah saya marah. marah pada keadaan dan berjuta-juta kata: 'kenapa' ada di kepala saya.
dan saya jadi ingat buku yang dulu pernah saya baca, yang intinya tertulis:
Mengapa tiap kamu berdoa, sudah seringkali doa itu kamu panjatkan tetapi pada kenyataannya Dia belum juga mengabulkan permintaanmu. sebenarnya jawabannya cuma satu..Tuhan masih ingin mendengar kamu berdoa, karena doamu adalah suara yang sangat merdu bagi Tuhan.

tiap gw inget kata-kata itu gw pasti merinding, gw ngerasa Tuhan sangat menyayangi gw. tapi gw?

dan akhirnya gw tiba disini, Tuhan sudah mengabulkan doa gw, memang tidak persis sama. tapi tetep aja yang Tuhan kasih sudah CUKUP indah.
knapa cuma "CUKUP"?
well, karena gw takut. kalau gw bilang "SANGAT" indah,,
nanti gw gak lagi menyenandungkan doa yang menurut Tuhan merupakan suara yang indah buat Nya..

terima kasih, Tuhan :)

take a day to recognize

Some people depend on society,

I say try living in poverty.

Some people hold Their heads high,

I say give a doubt full moment a try.

Some people step outta bound,

I say keep safe, stand your ground.

Some people feel they deserve the best,

I say what makes you better then the rest.  

Some people may never know how to live,

I say take a day and give.

then,,

Some people live in fear,
I indulge in it.
Some people burn and turn,
I say you get what you get. 
Some people say life ain't fair,
I say true happiness is rare.
Some peoples believe in fate,
I say live life at your own rate.
Some people give to get,
I say you can't always double your bet.
Some people will never understand,
I say give those a helping hand.

my own photograph

It was taken some time ago. 
At first it seems to be 
a smeared
print: blurred lines and grey flecks 
blended with the paper; 

then, as you scan
it, you see in the left-hand corner 
a thing that is like a branch: part of a tree 
(balsam or spruce) emerging 
and, to the right, halfway up 
what ought to be a gentle 
slope, a small frame house.

In the background there is a lake, 
and beyond that, some low hills.

(The photograph was taken
the day after I drowned.

I am in the lake, in the center 
of the picture, just under the surface.

It is difficult to say where 
precisely, or to say 
how large or small I am:
the effect of water 
on light is a distortion

but if you look long enough, 
eventually
you will be able to see me

the writer is..

'you are still become my deadly pestilential, ever.

my guilty pressure, my sweet sins, my first fallen-down-to the deepest, my broken hearted'

i found this notes in my old organizer.

i guess i know who the writer was.

thanks, experience.